This is a hard post but I feel like it's got to be done...

Let me give you all a brief back ground on my weight loss story. I'll first start by saying that this is one of those topics that is always on my mind but I really don't like to talk about it with anyone. The reason I am bringing it up now and for all of you to read is because I am looking for encouragement and accountability. I WANT to be successful. I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to be able to encourage someone who might be experiencing the same things that I am. I don't want to put any numbers out there because that's not what this is about for me. I do know that I need to lose some weight but that is not my main goal. My main goal is to be happy with who I am, as I am. To know that I am whole and complete just the way God made me. Not once I get down to a size whatever or I weigh however much.

I really can't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel like I needed to drop some weight. I remember being as young as 8 years old and looking down at my thighs as I sat in a chair and becoming embarrassed by how big my thighs looked. Now, was I a fat kid? Not at all! I wasn't a skinny kid either but it was not nearly as bad in reality as it was in my head. Nonetheless, it still stuck with me. I started playing sports at about the age of 5 or 6 so I was usually a pretty active kid all the way up past high school. I do know that the happiest times in my life were when I was playing sports. I loved that part of me. It was something that I was naturally good at. It also helped keep me active. During those times I still was conscious of my appearance but it was easier to do something about it. Shortly after moving to Florida I joined a co-ed softball team in an effort to continue some level of physical activity but it just didn't work out and after the season ended I didn't join another team.

At this point in my life I am the least active I have ever been. As a result of that, I have managed to add a *ahem* few extra pounds. So, since adding on some extra cushion and really just getting to the point where I hate to look at myself in the mirror or in pictures I decided that it was time to do something. I was ready to make a conscious effort to rectify the situation. I joined Weight Watchers. I joined along with my mother-in-law last September shortly after getting married. While attending meetings in the first few months I lost some weight but then I lost my motivation. The holiday's came around and I kept telling myself that after this or that I would get re-motivated. But it never happened. I ended up gaining back all the weight I'd lost and then some. And on top of that I felt worse than ever before. The one thing that I wouldn't do was quit. I was determined to stick with Weight Watchers until I became motivated. I continued going to my meetings even when my WW Buddy quit. Nothing was changing, though. It was all in my attitude and it was starting to show in other areas of my life. I was grumpy a lot of the time. I didn't like going to work. I didn't want to get dressed up to go out anywhere. Nothing looked right on my and the sour look on my face because I was not happy with myself really didn't help at all. I didn't want to be like that forever! That's not REALLY who I am.

So, about two months ago I started my journey all over again. I changed meeting locations and immediately fell in love with my new leader! A co-worker of mine has joined me which has really been helpful. And above all I have changed my attitude. I have already been successful in losing weight but have a ways to go. Running has been great for me! It has given me a chance to become active again and on top of that I have a running buddy to keep me moving but more importantly keep me company! I feel better because I've chosen to move. I've chosen to not sit around and feel sorry for myself. I've chosen to not give up if I feel a little discouraged. I also realized that I need to learn to love myself the way God loves me now, as I am, because it's not like a magic light switch is going to be flicked once I reach my goal and then I'll automatically love myself then. It just doesn't work that way.

The last and most important thing that I've learned in all of this is that it's not something I can do on my own. Some people have the will power but I am not one of them. This is my vice. Food and laziness are my foot-hold. I have to pray my way through this experience and ask for God's strength to keep moving forward. I know that with his help I can move past the negative outlook I have on myself.