New House Lesson 1: How to Get a New Stove

Disclaimer: I do not recommend you try this at your own house. If you decide you need a new stove, a better approach would probably be to just ask for it.

Well, Will and I have been in our new house for 2 months now. We knew when we bought the house that we were going to need to purchase new kitchen appliances but for the time being the ones that were in there would work just fine. But that wasn't good enough for me, no sir. I wanted a new stove ASAP!!! So, what did I do? I tried setting the house on fire in protest unless I got a new stove. And it worked, I tell ya!

Well, not really. I mean, we are getting a new stove tonight but it didn't really happen like that. In fact, the only truth in that last paragraph is that I did nearly burn the house down and we are getting a new stove.

How did I nearly burn the house down? Well, I'm so glad you asked. Here is how it all went down.

On Monday evening I was at home by myself as Will was at church like he usually is on Monday nights. It was about time for me to be thinking about making dinner and since I was on my own I thought I'd do something on the easy side. I decided on frozen pizza and proceeded to pre-heat the oven. After the oven was turned on I started working around the house just tidying things up. As I was doing that, I kept smelling a faint burning plastic smell. I ignored it and decided that it was just something that had gotten on the oven rack or falling onto the drip pan. But as I continued to clean the smell was getting stronger and stronger. At this point I was starting to become a mixture of curious and worried so I opened the oven door (which doesn't have a window, I might add) and I saw the horrific site of melting Tupperware and skillet cookie. It took me a minute to figure out exactly what had happened. How did the skillet cookie get in there? (Turns out Will had put it in the oven the night before to protect it from the dogs.) And as I was looking at the melted plastic mess still processing what it was and how it got there, the whole thing started flaming. And the flames were getting bigger and bigger. And at that moment I realized we don't yet own a fire extinguisher. (I'm putting that on the shopping list.) I was panicked! How do I put the fire out?!?! How do I keep these flames from growing?!?! Oh no! I'm going to burn down our new house!!!

And then I told myself to calm down. I needed to stay level headed and think. I tried calling Will. No answer. I called my in-law's house. I told my step-mother-in law, Karyne, that the flames were getting bigger and bigger. Then suddenly, like a light bulb I remembered one of the most basic things about fire. It needs oxygen. "How about closing the oven door." I said to myself. I did just that and told Karyne that I had put the fire out but the house was filled with smoke! I couldn't see from one end to the next. She called my father-in-law, who was on his way home, and had him come to our house.

When my father-in-law, Jon, arrived at the house I had already opened up all the windows and doors and turned on the fans to clear the air. He told me that I was doing all the right things. (I doubt he would have said that had he seen me in the panic stage 5 minutes prior.) He also took the racks and the drip pan out of the oven and put them outside for me to help get rid of that horrible burning plastic smell. He then said some of the sweetest word I'll ever hear. "You are going to need a new oven." And then he left.

Will finally called me back and I informed him of the untimely demise of his skillet cookie as well as the oven's not-so-untimely demise. And then I was able to pass on the word that his father had left me with.

So, tonight we are going to get our new oven and I am so excited! I'm also a little worried because it's already got me looking at other new appliances for the kitchen and thinking about how I can "arrange" needing them. Do you think putting a cat into the dishwasher is too obvious?

***I'd also like to add that it really is a shame that a very good skillet cookie was harmed in the events that took place in our house this past Monday night. What is that? You've never heard of a skillet cookie before? Well, stay tuned and I'll tell you all about them later.